


A Cold and Broken Hallelujah

by frayedknot



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/F, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of PTSD, Therapy, They're broken but they're here, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24104206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frayedknot/pseuds/frayedknot
Summary: And it's not a cry that you hear at nightIt's not somebody who's seen the lightIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah--JJ's broken. She's bent. But it's okay, because Emily is too.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 1
Kudos: 93





	A Cold and Broken Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> this work describes the aftermath of the torture JJ endured with Askari and the aftermath of Doyle. mentions of ptsd and anxiety. there is also some cursing.

JJ sputters, coughing the water out. She can’t breathe. She’s drowning.

But then she can breathe, and it’s all because of the brunette in front of her. “Emily.”

“JJ, it’s okay, it was just a dream,” Emily softly speaks, trying to calm JJ down.

JJ sits up, burying her face in the crook of Emily’s neck. Emily’s nimble fingers comb through the blonde’s hair. She places soft butterfly kisses on her forehead and temples. The pair sit like this for what feels like seconds until Henry barges in.

“Mama! I had an awesome dream!” JJ pulls away from Emily to lift Henry up. “Emmy! Wanna hear my dream?”

Henry reaches for Emily, who gladly takes him from JJ. As Henry babbles about his dream, JJ can feel her anxiety melt away, simply watching her two favorite people interact. Her son and her wife. She can breathe.

The next time she dreams of her time being waterboarded, she can actually see him. The chilling grin of Askari makes her cry in the dream. She could feel the water in her airways, preventing her from breathing. She can feel Askari’s hands on her, threatening to take her dignity away.

But Emily shakes her awake again, and they sit in the same position. Her anxiety doesn’t completely go away, it’s still there, hidden in her like a Jack-in-the-box, threatening to pop out at the moment where it’s most inconvenient. But it's placated for the moment, and she feels okay. She’s okay. It will get better. Henry, while not with her at the moment, is alive. He’s with William. He’s alive.

They agree she should go to therapy. She hates that she needs it, but she needs it. And in time, she grows to anticipate the hour long session she has with Dr. Kimberly. She’s sweet and helpful, and she never assumes anything about anyone. The first time JJ mentions Emily, she asks if she’s the one JJ goes to when she feels like her head is underwater.

Emily was the last one she had mentioned on the team. Each time, Dr. K asked if they were her rock. Each answer was always, “if they’re there.” Spencer’s answer was “Sometimes.”

“And Emily watched Henry for me.”

“Is Emily the one you go to most of the time? When you dream of Askari?”

“Always,” slips out before she can stop it. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to speak of her romantic relationship with the brunette until she knew Dr. Kimberly was open minded.

“And this Emily, what does she do to comfort you?” Dr. Kimberly sits forward. “And is this relationship romantic or platonic?”

JJ hesitates.

“Dear, I am married to a woman. If you’re worried that I’m not going to accept you if you’re gay, you are strongly mistaken.”

To be fair, JJ reasons, it probably wasn’t hard to figure out that she’s in a relationship with someone. She has her damn ring on, for fuck’s sake. And, to be fair again, Dr. Kimberly has a faded haircut and an image of her and her wife on her desk. But to be fair to JJ, she wasn’t in therapy to profile, she’s in therapy to get better.

And it works. It takes about half a year before she notices the difference in her mental health, but she only wakes up from nightmares about once a month instead of four times a week.

She’s still broken. She’s a little bent. But it’s okay, because so is Emily.

Emily doesn’t have nightmares. But she’ll sometimes see things that remind her of her time as Lauren. Sometimes it’s a broken leg off of furniture. And sometimes it’s dark alleyways. Most embarrassingly for Emily, sometimes it’s boys who look like Declan Doyle. It’s also never like JJ’s. She gets anxious, yes, but she gets jumpy, and it never happens at night.

Sleeping is, after all, her only escape.

But when the attacks do come, it’s JJ she turns to. To Emily’s embarrassment, the time she proposed to JJ happened at the tail end of one of these attacks. And to her even greater embarrassment, it was because she heard the name Doyle.

They were in New York, tracking down a serial rapist and killer. One clue led them to a vintage clothing store, in which the owner’s name was Doyle. Not Ian, but Innas. A traditional Irish name. Morgan did most of the talking to Innas and when it was time to go, he called Hotch for her.

“Hey, Prentiss is going to go to the hotel. I think she has the stomach bug.”

Both men knew it was bullshit, but both men knew better than to provoke Emily, and neither men wanted to bring up anything. So Hotch employed JJ.

JJ slipped into the room the pair shared and under the covers where Emily was sleeping. Emily instinctively snuggled closer to the blonde, even in her sleep. And JJ let her sleep.

When Emily woke up, she was better. Not all the way better, but at least she could talk about it.

And JJ laid next to her and just listened. And when Emily was done, all JJ asked was “What do you want me to do?” And it was in such a soft, caring way that Emily couldn’t help but to blurt out.

“Marry me.”

Emily froze at her words and held her breath.

“Do you mean that?” JJ questioned and rubbed down Emily’s nose.

“If… if you want to get married, then yes.”

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

And they did. They had a courthouse wedding as soon as they get back in D.C. Everyone in the BAU is there, and of course Henry. No parents wanted to come, homophobia of course. Rossi was all too happy to walk JJ down the aisle and Morgan took Emily down.

So while the proposal could have gone better, their wedding was amazing and full of love.

Another instance that JJ was Emily’s rock was mother’s day.

Mrs. Prentiss was never one for affection. And she was generally cruel.

“So. Are you still married to that Jennifer girl?”

Emily cringes. “Yes, Mom. I’m married to JJ still. Happily so.”

“Unfortunate.” Mrs. Prentiss sipped her tea. “Doyle should have changed you.”

Emily pushed back from the table, dropping money on the table. “For my meal, mother. Goodbye.”

She almost sprinted out of the restaurant, only to stop in her tracks when she sees JJ’s car outside.

“Hey, Em.” JJ smiled softly. “Henry wanted to surprise you. And we figured lunch may be cut short.”

JJ opened the back door and Henry popped out, holding two milkshakes.

“Mommy and I got ice cream earlier and I wanted to get one for my momma! We got chocolate and strawberry cause we weren’t sure which one you would want!”

Emily choked up. JJ stepped next to Emily.

“Is that okay? He asked me if he could call you Momma and I said it was between you and him.”

“God, it’s more than okay.” Emily stepped forward and hugged Henry tight.

The family took a walk in the park, bringing defrosted peas to toss to the birds. Henry begged to play on the playground and JJ nodded.

“So why was it cut short?”

Emily sighed and explained what happened.

“That bitch,” JJ spat out through gritted teeth. Emily laughed.

“So I can say that around your kid?”

“He knows not to curse.”

They agree that Emily should go to therapy, too. And it helps. Emily sees a psychiatrist too, who prescribes her medicine to take to help handle her depression.

And it takes a bit, it takes about three months before she notices changes. She notices when she hears Henry sing to a song she hums.

She almost never hummed before. But she is now. And Henry and JJ notice. And they’re happy.

They’ll have bad days, it’s inevitable. They both know it. But it’s okay.

They’re both broken. They’re both bent. But it’s okay, because they have each other, and they have Henry.


End file.
